- As the sun rises from the far eastern horizon, so will her hopes together; embracing another new day to soar through the endless skies only to fall past the distinct line that seperates earth and heaven to pave way for the diamond strewn velvet night sky where her dreams will take its rightful place...
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
i think i must be quite mad to get up at this hour. the night seems endlessly long today. try as i might, i could'nt get back to sleep. and since its been quite awhile since i blogged, here i am :)
these days, or rather these weeks were occupied by work at ny; and of course meeting up with some friends in between. Much quality time was also spent with my family. The only grief was not seeing Him for kinda long (bout a week i think). Well, both were busy, really busy :D Me, mostly with work at ny. and him, with his work, training for the upcoming triathlon and teaching the kids swimming.
recently i've been having some really strange feeling and euphoric ones too. i can't really comprehend those feelings and needless to say its much harder blogging those feelings down.
everyone of us do change overtime, and i fear i'm slowly changing too. changing in the way i think and act in a certain way. its scary how time can mould us into someone whom we might cease to understand oneself. we slowly grow in our own unique ways in this long long journey called life. people grow old, and people die. slowly one day, our loved ones will leave us; and i believe that's then when we truely understand what is pain. Pain forces us to be strong survivors, to held our head ever so high even when the journey is tough. Especially when love hurts us so, we slowly built up a wall each day in the depth of our heart. This prevents us from getting hurt once again and to really let others in to see our vulnerability.
i guess i know what i really want to change about oneself as time slowly ticks away. all my life till now, i take feeling and emotions really strongly, or rather; i m what u call- an emotional person. relationships are especially important to me, be it friendship or love relationship. seriously speaking there are only few whom i can really call my friend. Those who are there for me most of the time, those who makes me want to be there for them always, and those who accept me for who i am despite all the negative sides of me. i cry for the things i really care about. when i get really angry, i cry; but only when i care so much for tt particular thing or person. I want to change all these. i dun want to let others see tears so easily when i'm angry. i dun want to let others know how fragile i can be at times. i dun want to rely so easily on my loved ones. i want to stand strong on my two feet, look fear in the eyes, and never waver. Proud to say, not many have seen tears from me. I know i've been quite strong already. but i want to be stronger and never let ramdom feeling affect me so much. It's hard but it's a goal tt i'll slowly reach to achieve, step by step. No matter how long it takes, or how tough the journey is, i know i will never give up. i must not falter.
sigh. late night entrys are always so emo. lets talk bout work then! started working in the 'hotside' kitchen bout a week ago. Kinda fun i guess. not as hot as i imagined it to be. time pass real fast too. but most importantly get to really understand some people better. The saying: 'never judge its book by its cover' rings so truely. I always thought that he was a true blue ah beng. but instead he shocked me greatly. i see sincerity, truefull-ness, willingingness to work hard in him. he was the one who taught me so much things. he was the one who patiently explain things thoroughly and never seems to give up on me. i just want to say a big THANK u. and also, sorry for judging u wrongly in the past. as for another, it was disappointing. well well, i will give my best shot. SOMEONE sacarstically asked how i fared to another. so to tell u the truth, or rather her, the more u think i can't succeed, the more i'll prove u wrong. This has been my motto my whole life i think :) i love proving others wrong :D
still, i wanna thank God. for making my journey of life as smooth as it could be, for sending many angels (friends) to help me and be there in times of needs and distress. to send HIM to love me and bless me with a very encouraging family, to extend my dad's life span, and most importantly, to make my burden feels so much more lighter. God is my only pillar of strenght. even when i dun serve him in church, he never fails to be there.
as for Mr. Cheng, he had leave for a diving trip once again. surprisingly i totally forgotten bout it till he reminded me the night before he leaves. i somehow understand what's it like to be busy and occupied and thus ignored someone dearest to heart. its not that i love him any lesser, but other stuffs just occupied most my time that i dun even have the energy to make an effort to meet up and stuffs. it's been so long too that i felt so much missed from someone. The feeling is so so so GOOD :)
i'm chatting with the other two piggy friends (jiao and daryn) a while back, time to update my post and call them back! but....why does sleep hovers arnd.......yawnnnnnn.....
