- As the sun rises from the far eastern horizon, so will her hopes together; embracing another new day to soar through the endless skies only to fall past the distinct line that seperates earth and heaven to pave way for the diamond strewn velvet night sky where her dreams will take its rightful place...
DYING INSIDE.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
SO MUCH MIXED FEELINGS.
ANGER. SADNESS. DISAPPOINTMENT. REGRETS.
TODAY WAS MEANT TO BE A HAPPY DAY! (cos i finally get to see u after a week...) but ......
I KNOW U MEANT WELL.
BUT BEFORE U SO STRONG HEADEDLY DECIDES ON SOMETHING, PLEASE TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION MY FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS.
INITIALLY I DINT WANT TO SEE A DOC. BUT GIVING MUCH THOUGHT ABOUT HOW STRONGLY U FEEL ON SEEING A DOCTOR, I DECIDED TO GO AHEAD. BEFORE THAT ..REMEMBER WHAT U TOLD ME, U TOLD ME THAT ULTIMATELY I M THE ONE DECIDING. ITS MY HEALTH. YEA SO TRUE. BUT IF AFTER ALL I DECIDED NOT TO SEE A DOC, WE WOULD HAVE BEEN STUDYING AT MAC ALREADY.
SO I TOTALLY DUN SEE THE POINT ON U INSISTING TO CANCEL OUR INITIAL PLAN JUST SO THAT I CAN GO BACK HOME AND REST.
U THINK I REALLY SOOO WANT TO STUDY THERE. ITS THE TIME SPENT WITH U. HOW OFTEN DO WE SEE EACH OTHER. HOW MUCH QUALITY TIME DO WE HAVE ALONE, JUST THE TWO OF US.
I WENT TO SEE THE DOC COS I DUN WAN TO SEE U SO PISSED. THAT I'M NOT HEEDING UR ADVICE. I WANT TO MAKE U LESS WORRIED FOR ME.
SO I WENT AHEAD. AND AFTER THAT U SAID LETS GO HOME. U KNOW HOW IT MADE ME FEEL? U MADE ME FELT REGRETFUL. REGRET TT I MADE THE DECISION TO SEE THE DOC.
IF WE DINT GO, WE WOULD HAPPILY BEEN STUDYING.
YES TO U I'M UNREASONABLE. BUT SERIOUSLY SPEAKING, PLEASE TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE WAY I FEEL. U SAID SO MANY TIMES, ITS MY HEALTH, MY CHOICE!
I REALLY DUN GET IT.
WHY DO I WALK AWAY IN THE END. IF I STOOD THERE ANY SECOND LONGER, THE TEARS WILL START TO FLOW. AND THEN I WILL HATE MYSELF FOR IT.
EVER EXPERIENCE THE FEELING OF UR HEART BEING TORN INTO TWO? it sure hurts like hell. f###.
SORRY TO ALL THE PEOPLE I'D PROMISED TO RUN THE SPCA RUN WITH..ESPECIALLY TO YAN, AMELIA, BOY. AND THE PROMISE WITH TERRY . THE DOCTOR STRONGLY ADVISED AGAINST ME RUNNING! GAVE ME AN MC TOO!!! I FEEL SO DAMN BAD..U NOE THE KINDA FEELING. I'VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS RUN FOR LIKE AGES. NOW IS LIKE WTH. MAYBE I SHOULD JUST RUN AND DIE.
also, sorry to those who called at tt bad time. esp jeanette. i seriuosly can't give u advices on projs with the mood i'm in. and ah boy. i feel so bad to "pang seh" u.
I M FEELING LIKE CRAP INSIDE ALREADY. AND YET WE QUARRELED. HOW NICE.
IVE GOT MY PRIDE, U'VE GOT UR PRIDE AND HOT TEMPER. I WONDER..MAYBE U DUN REALLY NEED ME IN UR LIFE. LESSER A BURDEN FOR U TO WORRY, TO QUARREL , TO MAKE U ANGRY.
what a nice way of starting our 23rd month together.
